Making Choices – A Coach’s Story

By Kerch McConlogue

Several years ago, I needed a new van to haul my children around. I went to a local dealer who told me that the Ford Windstar was the minivan most preferred by women.  I walked out.  Don’t you dare suggest that I should do a certain thing because so many other people had decided it was right for them.

If you tell me I have to do something a certain way or perhaps say (God forbid) “You’re just gonna have to do it this way”, I will go out of my way to prove you wrong. This is particularly problematic when you’re right!

But I understand that there are many ways to accomplish a given task. Sometimes a suggested—”This has worked for some/many/one other client”—can be helpful.  Maybe I’ll only use that idea to poke holes in it, to prove that it won’t work for me. And that’s OK as long as I use those holes, and the discussion, to craft a system or structure that will work for me.  Somebody else’s idea gives me a place to start. I have to understand (really internalize) that that system is right.

A good coaching relationship gives you the opportunity to take time to think through all the parts and pieces for a process so they truly make sense – so you know you haven’t missed something important.

When you are clear about what you are doing and why, moving forward feels a lot less like forcing a new habit and a lot more like just the ‘sensible thing to do’.

And as for the minivan: I had read all kinds of reports that the 95 Windstar had the worst stopping distance of all the minivans that year. And I would not have been swayed. I had my reasons – little kids (and I have ADHD!)  Stopping is very important.  So I bought a Chrysler Caravan.  🙂


About the author:

Kerch McConlogue is an ADHD coach who runs a support group for adults with ADHD in Baltimore ( She also designs websites for small businesses and nonprofits—professional, but not too expensive. And a relationship with a web designer who speaks regular English to non-geeks.