By Kerch McConlogue
Several years ago, I needed a new van to haul my children around. I went to a local dealer who told me that the Ford Windstar was the minivan most preferred by women. I walked out. Don’t you dare suggest that I should do a certain thing because so many other people had decided it was right for them.
If you tell me I have to do something a certain way or perhaps say (God forbid) “You’re just gonna have to do it this way”, I will go out of my way to prove you wrong. This is particularly problematic when you’re right!
But I understand that there are many ways to accomplish a given task. Sometimes a suggested—”This has worked for some/many/one other client”—can be helpful. Maybe I’ll only use that idea to poke holes in it, to prove that it won’t work for me. And that’s OK as long as I use those holes, and the discussion, to craft a system or structure that will work for me. Somebody else’s idea gives me a place to start. I have to understand (really internalize) that that system is right.
A good coaching relationship gives you the opportunity to take time to think through all the parts and pieces for a process so they truly make sense – so you know you haven’t missed something important.
When you are clear about what you are doing and why, moving forward feels a lot less like forcing a new habit and a lot more like just the ‘sensible thing to do’.
And as for the minivan: I had read all kinds of reports that the 95 Windstar had the worst stopping distance of all the minivans that year. And I would not have been swayed. I had my reasons – little kids (and I have ADHD!) Stopping is very important. So I bought a Chrysler Caravan. 🙂
About the author:
Kerch McConlogue is an ADHD coach who runs a support group for adults with ADHD in Baltimore (www.mapthefuture.com/support). She also designs websites for small businesses and nonprofits—professional, but not too expensive. And a relationship with a web designer who speaks regular English to non-geeks. www.snibbles.com